Get yourself out of your way…
I think it is human psychology to need to find a reason/person to justify why we have not reached our goals. Often we will say things like ‘my manager did not support my promotion’, or ‘I didn’t become an entrepreneur because I did not have the financial support’, or ‘ I couldn’t do the things I wanted to in my career because I didn’t have the ‘right’ opportunities’, or ‘My family didn’t support me in my goals’. ‘Success for women in very hard’, and so on. We as humans need to have something or someone to place the responsibility of not reaching our goals and objectives. It is much easier and removes the responsibility off of us to another party.
Recently, when I heard the comment ‘Remove yourself from your path’, first I really did not fully understand what this powerful statement meant. Of course I see myself as an enabler in my path not an obstacle! How dare the person who said this to me imply that I should remove myself out of my path as an enabler? To be fair, let me set the stage. This was during my Power Vinyasa Teacher training where we spent hours exploring and understanding our inner resistances and thoughts (in addition to what will be one of the most physically challenging endeavors of my life to date!). Contemplating about this for days, I realized what a powerful statement this was and since then it has become a key way as to how I look at and evaluate challenges in life. I now focus on this heavily in my teachings and mentoring sessions.
Fact is, it is us (you and me) that set the obstacles in our path and who determine what we are capable of achieving, why something is completely out of reach and why without trying we assume failure at certain tasks. We fear the challenge, moreover, we fear failure. If we remove ourselves out of our path, we remove the most critical obstacle. And here was the Aha! moment for me: My focus shifted from:
The impossibility of success to focus on Success and achieving the task!
This applies to the simplest of tasks to the most complex. To be fair, I spent days during meditation and intense physical exercise contemplating what this meant and you might want to consider this deeply as well. When we remove ourselves as the blocking obstacle is when amazing things start happening. Namely, things become simpler and more importantly, you have removed ‘fear’ from the equation. The flavor of everything starts changing and you are motivated to try things because you are no longer in your way and stopping yourself.
Of course, like all things in life, this is work in progress for sure. It takes time to dismiss the myths of where I placed blame before to taking responsibilities head on. You chip away at this every day. You start taking yourself as an obstacle out of your way every day, one step at a time.
One more observation which I would like to share with you is that those who seem highly over-confident and come across as invincible are perhaps those who may very well yet have not realized the importance of this element or may not accept it. We all have to go through this exercise to learn how to help ourselves in the journey of life and achieve the impossible!
Whatever the ‘impossible’ might be. Would love to hear your thoughts: What do you think?
Beautifully written, It is amazing how much we can hold ourselves back by limiting our own potential. True freedom is freedom of self doubt. Be well and be aware
I have often had the same thoughts you wrote about when thinking about this subject. I have watched family members and close friends fail to act on some of the most basic challenges in life because they are afraid of failure. Their fear of failure holds them back from achieving things they never knew they were capable of. Each time they fail to act, inactivity becomes a little more normal and comfortable.
This fear was instilled in me as a young child, and I grew up thinking my life was very limited. What I have realized as an adult is that I have never completely failed at anything I have tried. I may have fallen down a few times. I may have stumbled or made mistakes. But I have always picked myself back up, started over, and achieved what I originally set out to do. I simply don’t stop until I prevail.
There is a reason we call the things we endure in life experiences. They give us just that: experience. Even in my most bitter disappointments I have learned valuable lessons. These lessons turn into experience, and the experiences help me complete every other challenge I face from then on.
I still battle a fear of failure when thinking about doing things that may be bigger than the limits I have placed on myself mentally. I haven’t fully conquered this fear, but each time I try something new turns into a little victory and gets me one step closer to winning the battle.
I can certainly identify with the premise of this article. Getting out of your own way is difficult because it forces you to be uncomfortable in doing things that you’ve never done. There is the self-talk that says, “you can’t do this. Who do you think you are?” In addition, those voices are joined by people supporting the status quo who don’t want you to succeed because it will force them to ask themselves why they are stagnating.
Like Josh, I grew up thinking that I was very limited from a very young age. I took the easy way out a lot of times in order to stay where things were comfortable and familiar. I found that the hardest step when faced with a challenge is the first one. Usually, the first step leads to seeing a small accomplishment that gives you the encouragement to see how far you can go.
I have also found that getting enough confidence to venture outside my comfort zone requires me to act as a consultant to myself and look at the situation as if I were giving advice to someone else. This helps me view the challenge objectively, apart from the fear of failure. When I look at my abilities and compare that to the challenge, I can usually convince myself to take on the challenge. Each challenge that I attempt gives me the courage to take on even more difficult ones.
I agree with what you say, and I think you demonstrate an interesting personal experience of self discovery. As an overall ethos though, I’d really like to hear a bit more depth about what you’re describing. To say that individuals make excuses is not revolutionary discourse; this has been expanded upon in psychology numerous times. What I would find more interesting is to find out what you have found to work to fight against these emotions.
Simply instructing people to change how they think isn’t enough; if that were the case we’d all be CEO’s or super sports stars. There has to be key differences between people who approach situations with a “can do” versus “can’t do” approach. What are the aspects of successful mindsets that you have observed in your work? You seem to imply that awareness was the beginning of the journey; what comes next?
You’ve got such an interesting topic here and I’d love to hear more about what works for you or the clients you work with.
I really enjoyed the “get off the path your on” approach. As you point out, we internalize our limitations based on past failures and perceptions of what failure will look like. As this cycle continues our “path” moves further and further from our original goal and soon we are stuck. True failure is giving into defeat and living life doing something that is no longer invigorating to our sense of purpose. Because this all can happen in such a subtle manner, the practice of removing ourselves from our paths and reevaluating our goals is essential to ensuring we are moving towards an intended destination.
I have always held a high regard to public service which provides a positive impact on the lives of others. The core concept for me was to find that fire, that which inspires me and draws my interest each day and I have made intentional career decisions that align with this core value.
Very well written.
“I have not failed, I have discovered 1000 ways to NOT make a lightbulb”
We many times have to remove ourselves from our own limitations, and intimidations.
Road blocks will come our way, we will stumble from time to time, and some will even speak out against you and say it can’t be done.
But to decide whether one finishes the journey is completely up to one’s own decision.
On a similar note, I read a great quote in a book (unfortunately, I don’t remember the author or the book title) that said “Argue for your limitations and they are yours.” This quote complements this article and stresses how people often impose their own limitations upon themselves.